Pathetic me.

So I just found an old blog I made on here.
The date was December of 2005. That was my 5th grade year.
I had two blogs, with one post each.
Both posts brought me back to a time and place in my life that was not healthy.
And they made me realize what a lost little girl I was.
And they made me want to help my brother not go through the same thing I did.
But I don't even know how.

It's that time of year again.

The time of year when we're all getting out of school.
Locker clean-outs and last minute "thank you, Mr/Mrs. _____! Have a nice summer!"
Only two more days of 5:30 alarms, and then it's summer...and my freshman year is over.
I honestly can't believe it's even gone by this fast. I feel like yesterday was my first day of school, my first high school football game, my first band competition, my first high school play.
Even though I have three more unbearable years of 5:30 alarms, finals study guides, and worrying about which teachers will round a 91.4% up to an "A" or not, I miss it.
Reading the senior issue of the Spartus, taking pictures with the seniors who are leaving, and seeing some seniors saying a final "bye and thanks" to their favorite teachers is already making me tear up... And I'm just a freshman.
I'm hoping that I will take to heart all of the seniors' advice: "treasuring each second," "taking these moments for all they're worth," and "enjoying high school."

But now that I think about it, the one thing I can remember most clearly about this year is
that one time I got pennied. :)

Figuring Yourself Out.

I'm going to be blunt here: yesterday SUCKED.
But I also found out a couple of extremely important things.

Long story short, I disappointed my parents with a certain behavioral choice that I made.
Nothing inappropriate, don't worry. Just extremely disrespectful. And here is where I come to one of the things I learned: I may be mature, but I honestly didn't even think about the fact that what I did was disrespectful. It just goes to show me that I'm not perfect (even though I definitely already knew that), and that I need to start thinking more before I do things.
Another thing I learned was how much I really do hate disappointing people. When I actually figured out how upset and angry my parents were, I literally cried for 20 minutes (ask Sam, Nick, Agi, or the security guard who asked where my pass was).

So, yeah. Nothing real exciting... I guess I just needed to explain (to myself).

Mini golfing, mini bus rides, mini fears.

So I'm not exactly sure what this type of writing would be called - it's
not a poem, it's not a story... maybe an anecdote? I doubt it. But yeah, I wrote
this while I was on a bus on the way to a mini golfing field trip.
Best. Thing. About. Geometry. All. Year.
But yeah, here goes.

Nothing like a loud school bus and a blasting iPod to put me in my thinking place.
What really makes me think are the people on this bus with me right now: the people in/taking my geometry class.
We're going mini golfing.
What I'm worried about, though, is if I'm going to be able to find a group to play with.
I've never really thought of myself as popular, but I never really thought I was an outcast either.
But right now, when I'm sitting here in this empty seat with myself and Alex Gaskarth* [♥], the truth is painfully obvious.
I might have friends in this crazy, eccentric group of people, but I'm pretty sure I also have enemies, and people who just plain old DGAF. I might also have friends outside this group of people, but that doesn't seem to matter much right now.
I can't think of a time where I've ever felt so ditched ... and lonely.

* Alex Gaskarth is the lead singer of All Time Low, who I was listening to at that moment.

- the not-so-original Bethany